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8 comments

  1. What are some good date ideas for couples who have kids?

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    1. Find another couple with kids with whom you can switch baby sitting the kids for every other week. That way you can have one week of free babysitting in return for babysitting for free for the other week.

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    2. That's a great idea! Someone should create an app that can facilitate this.

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    3. I think it is fine to find some things that you can do at home (e.g., games, conversation, dessert, etc.), but as often as you can, it is important to get out of the house together. Sometimes a change in scenery can do a lot for a couple, especially if it happens on a regular basis.

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  2. I'm just wondering about how to have those important conversations before marriage, like talking about what their goals are, how they handle money, where they stand on intimacy (or maybe that'd be better during engagement, I don't know). I feel like these are awkward conversations to have because I and most people aren't used to having such deep conversations on such topics that are so close to home. Any tips on how to start those conversations?

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    1. You need to start with where you are in the relationship. What I mean by that is don’t have deeply personal conversations if your relationship is not yet deeply meaningful. Don’t share things all at once and too much too soon. You have to take a measured approach. One way to start is to talk about things at a factual level (“my parents divorced”) and move more deeply into your opinions (“All of my siblings handled the divorce differently”) and emotions (“my parent’s divorce was the most difficult time in my life…”). Dr. John Van Epp uses this approach, which he calls OPEN (Observation and facts, Perspectives and opinions, Experiences and emotions, Needs and relationship responses; for more on this, see his book How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk), and it can be really helpful.

      Even though you are being careful to not share too much too soon, there may still be times when some conversations are awkward. At that point you may just have to go for it. Some conversations don't get easier until you start talking about them.

      Regards to talking about sexual intimacy: The reality is, for most single people, talking about sexual intimacy with someone whom they are sexually attracted to is going to provoke more sexual feelings (and make it more difficult to maintain sexual boundaries). There is wisdom in refraining from these conversations until your relationship is sufficiently matured (and for some conversations on this topic, it may just be best to wait until marriage). I recommend following the counsel given in the For Strength of Youth (see the section on Sexual Purity on lds.org) in making decisions on what you should talk about pertaining to sexual intimacy.

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  3. What should we do if we feel like we are being blamed for everything or when anything goes wrong, we feel like it's our fault when it's both of our faults?

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    1. There are two parts here: the blaming of others and the blaming of self. First, if others are literally blaming you for EVERYTHING, they probably have some issues. Chances are, they don’t blame you for everything but do blame you for more than you would like. The first thing I would recommend is to see if you can identify any truths related to their accusations. If there is, make steps to improve yourself. After you’ve done that, move on with your life and stop worrying about their blame (blaming others is one of just many ways that people shrink from personal responsibility).

      For the self blame: Follow the same path. Identify honestly things you could do better, work to improve them, then let it go. Holding on to it won’t be helpful.

      You may also read the Common Cold of Marriage #3 article and study the boxes. Whatever you do, stay out of the wrong boxes!

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