Bad Behavior in Relationships is Annoying But Normal
Top 10 Stupid Things We Do in Marriage
What are some common relationship behaviors that can damage your marriage? Here is a list to get you started:
- Yelling
- Criticisms
- Nagging, badgering, or nit-picking
- Being disagreeable
- Passive-aggressiveness, such as giving the silent treatment
- Withholding love or physical affection
- Avoidance in its many forms, such as being emotionally disengaged or intentionally distracted
- Micromanaging and other efforts to control people
- Lying
- Defensiveness
- Security
- Love and connection
- Autonomy (the ability to choose for yourself and not be controlled)
- Respect
- Competence
- Progress
- Acceptance
Here is a diagram that helps put this all together:
A Disclaimer on Needs
- Set aside time each day just to listen to your partner
- Initiate non-sexual physical touch at least once a day
- Say “I love you” in a meaningful way every day (to keep this meaningful, it can be helpful to mention specific things you love about him or her)
- Put your smartphone away for at least a couple hours each day
- Hide simple love notes for your spouse around the house
- Choose to serve your spouse daily in a small way, such as rubbing their feet, taking over the kid duties for the evening, or doing something around the house that your spouse typically does
- Once a day, ask your spouse what would be the most meaningful thing you could do for them that day
Remember: before you react to bad behavior, ask yourself what is going on underneath. Otherwise, you are likely to make things worse-even if you think you are being helpful.
11 comments
This was a great article! I really appreciated the video, it helped to summarize everything simply. This concept of how we may cause the very behaviors that we want to stop reminds me of Anatomy of Peace.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Thomas! It's amazing how often our efforts are unknowingly counterproductive.
DeleteWe are glad you enjoyed the video!
Love this article! Thank you for sharing such great content in this website. This is the first time I came upon it, but I will make sure to subscribe and come back.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Bianca! Hopefully it was helpful :)
DeleteBianca, in case you couldn't find it-- there is a subscribe button near the bottom of the page, under the Facebook ad, titled "follow by email"! We are currently looking into creating a subscribe button that is easier to find, but that's where it is for now. Thank you again for reading!!
DeleteHi, I'm using a quote from this article in a paper. I can't find a date of publication to cite... and am I correct in assuming Dr. Radcliffe is the author of the article? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHey Tracie! Yes, I (Cole Ratcliffe) wrote it based on what I've learned from emotion-focused therapy, attachment theory, self-determination theory, and working with clients. This was published June 2017.
DeleteGood luck on your paper!
That's amazing! Thank you so much for this great article!
ReplyDeleteYou have a typo after the list of 10 stupid things we do in marriage. The sentence "what are some common relationship behaviors that can damage your Marriage? Here is a list to get you started". This sentence repeats AFTER THE LIST as well.
ReplyDeleteGreat article! Thank you for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteThis was so succinct and spot on! I so appreciate this! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWe are excited to hear your insights or questions!