You Can Lead Others to the Water, but You Can't Make Them Drink

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We Want You

As we attempt to strengthen the dating culture here at BYU Idaho, we want to offer a voice of warning. It will not always be easy being “in the know” when it comes to healthy relationships.

We have spoken of the dangers of exaggerating the meaning of a date, moving through the steps of commitment too quickly, and how to avoid allowing chemistry to take over our sound mind, and these are just the beginning. We have seen time and time again the unnecessary heartache that tends to come when these types of things are ignored. 

Voice of Warning

So, now you’re educating yourself and you’re feeling ready to implement what you’ve learned! This is great. However, we must warn you of the frustration that might come from this. We would also like to ask for your patience as we work together to shift this culture. There are simply so many people who do not date appropriately to have a quick and painless transition. 

What I mean by this is that you may be dating correctly, meanwhile the people you are dating are wondering, "why in the world are we on our third date and we haven't talked about becoming exclusive?"

Unfortunately, this is already beginning to happen. Before we even began publishing our blogs, it happened to me! Too many people are used to kissing by the second date, talking about what that meant for them on the third date, and deciding whether or not that means they should enter an exclusive relationship with one another shortly afterward. If the relationship doesn’t progress this way, and if this doesn't progress quickly, they may think that there is not a "spark" and perceive that this isn't going anywhere and stop there.

Things Will Improve

If this happens, do not deter. This is a grassroots movement. Our vision is that we, as singles, will take the initiative to become educated and then act on that education until healthy dating habits are the new “norm.”

Besides, do you want to date someone who is willing to put in the time and the effort now so that your relationship can be strong and healthy in the long run? These people exist. They are out there. 

To those of you who are reading the material, thinking it sounds good, but then are having a hard time implementing the changes into your own relationship patterns… be patient with yourself! You too can make the tough change, but beneficial decision, to act according to truth. Don’t get discouraged from trying to change all at once. Remember that the small and simple things add up. 

You Will Add to That Change, People Will Learn From You

No matter where you are in your dating habits right now, they can be strengthened! It’s always easier said than done. Believe me… I understand that. I have studied this stuff for several years now and yet I’m still single as a Pringle. I’ve learned that education alone will not change everyone’s fate, nor will the implementations be a guarantee, but I know that they offer greater odds, happiness, strength, and health. The specific applications may look different from person to person, but the true principles will stay the same. There needs to be a change. And you play a crucial role in that change.

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  1. I think people here just get really impatient. The pace of dating gets hyper-accelerated here for some reason, maybe the constant reminder of seeing couples everywhere on campus holding hands, they start comparing their situation to those people's. It's really easy to do.
    I really like what you ended with. The principles that we learn about dating are not a cure-all, and they will not look the same for each person, but we are all definitely better of for knowing more and having more skills of communication and realistic expectations...and such.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Thomas. I too see the pace of relationships as a problem. I hadn’t previously thought about the comparison game affecting that- but I think you’re right- that’s a great point! I also think that the track-system tends to speed people up too— many people perceive that they’ve got to move fast or else it will be too late when the “end” comes. We can easily forget that it’s ok not to make any major decisions (break up or get engaged, for example) at the end of the semester. I.e. We forget that it’s ok to simply continue to get to know one another.

      Very well put! Thanks for the summary there, that will be helpful for our readers (: Thanks again for reading and commenting!!

  2. I've been serial-reading the BYU I-do blog and I am so grateful for this article. Thank you, I feel this confusion from my dates and im tempted to give in at times. Thank you for the reminder that dating should be for a long period and healthy.

    1. Thank you for supporting us by reading the content produced here, Anon! I'm happy to hear that you were able to feel a sense of support in this article. You're definitely not alone! I firmly believe that if we keep pressing on, acting on what we know to be good, it will pay off! Keep it up!! And feel free to contact us with any future questions or comments, and sharing content on social media! (:


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